3 lessons from 2025

A few key learnings from some roller-coaster experiences this year

As we're leaving 2025 and entering 2026, this time of the year amidst its quietness, some family drama over Christmas, and then some more quietness, often leaves me reflecting on the insights and principals that became my north star over the past 12 months (of one of the most special and busiest years of my life).

In the spirit of sharing is caring, I'm sharing a few key learnings from a few roller-coaster experiences this year...

1. No one-size fits all

This year I had the difficult choice to choose between traditions, extravaganza, and what felt right. Alexander, my newly husband and I from the get-go have been an unconventional couple. He is a physicist by education, which means scientific reasoning runs core in our arguments. Although sometimes emotional preferences are hard to quantify with logic. Sometimes laboriously so, in general, reasoning and reflecting on those preferences has made me a better, more aware person in the process.

Marriage has been an important institution for me. While I have not seen many successful marriages around me including one of my parents living continents apart, it became more important for me emotionally rather than traditionally. Though I realised how much of the process of 'how to get married' was influenced by rituals that everyone follows, whether in India or Europe, more out of a routine trend than culture itself. That's why, it is interesting to see the craze of a diamond ring for proposals surpasses all borders..

But I mentioned, marrying a physicist meant giving reasoning. And what my loving husband understood is that for me, a gesture is important for occasions like an engagement proposal. A gesture that goes out of the comfort zone for a person enough to show effort, while remaining at the edge of that sweet comfort spot for both involved because, after all, a proposal is a moment for both sides.

On a fine Saturday morning, totally unexpected, as I was working in my PJs drafting some emails (the last year of my CERN fellowship meant several working weekends looking for the right next opportunity) while sipping tea, he came upstairs from his small but densely-packed (he would say space efficient) home setup lab workshop, to ask me if I had a minute. I said, I am writing this email and he sat there waiting. When I said ok now you have my attention, I saw something I never thought he would do.

He went down on one knee, waited, and asked, 'Would you marry me?'

I never thought he would do that because he had told me that that is not something that he would naturally do as not everyone's way of being romantic is showing romance the way films show us. Yet, he did... after the hardest minute he had to wait, while whichever email I was busy writing.

He did so with the most exquisite ring, that really perplexed me. It had a black microchip symmetrically surrounded by something orange, something blue and green on both sides, soldered together with some silver paste. I later learned they were resistors or capacitors, and every piece was soldered with lead-free component.

In that moment, both possible answers ran in my brain, and yet the courage shown to ask that question to someone with a gesture that is not only difficult but also thoughtful, melted me.

The few months I wore the electronics ring, it became the most adored accessory amongst everyone who happened to look at it in the bus, or in the supermarket. I also came across someone who said, he got away with it easy!

And of course... the monster rises. We had a constructive discussion with our parents on the importance of a diamond ring from both men and women's sides, why it feels like a direct connection to my worth even though the electronics ring had much more thought and effort gone into it. I also learned about the concept of blood diamond and mining conditions, of which to be honest, I was little aware. Once again, the success of being able to express my feelings and reasoning, in the process helping Alexander understand the importance of a ring for a woman, I was gifted with a beautiful diamond ring on my birthday as we went exploring in the beautiful town of Tallinn, Estonia, during our holiday.

Sometimes, not one-size or one-trend fits all. And that's okay and it is much better when you find your fit.

The beauty of love is in understanding each other, and the power of communication (simply talking to each other) can help bridge gaps. It is important to reflect on one's desires, question them, express them in the most authentic way, which sometimes takes courage and vulnerability. There maybe soulmates in the world, but certainly not telepaths.

2. Perseverance and patience in challenging moments are your pillars

The new phase of excitement as an engaged couple lasted a while, as we soon found out the requirements for an Indian-German couple living outside their home countries. We learned while the European Union (EU) is a beautiful concept, each EU country still had its own requirement of getting married:

France: As we lived on the French side near Geneva, Switzerland, it was difficult for me to obtain a particular document called Certificat de coutume, which the French needed to assure that an Indian citizen is allowed to marry in France as per the marriage law in India. And a few other documents, all translated in French. While my nearest Indian embassy fell on the other side of the border in Geneva, Switzerland, they were unable to help me as this marriage document was not needed in Switzerland. To top if all of, for a German to get married, Alex also needed some documents.

So we decided to try the process in Germany instead.

Germany: Of course, now we repaid to get the documents translated to German, only to realise that a handwritten piece of birth certificate from the 90s in a small village hospital in India, was not recognised by the German government. My original birth certificate said 'Girl' and name of my father (not even mother). Indians like to take time to officially name the child before they send them to school at the age of 3 or 4.

It seemed important to arrange a EU-recognised birth certificate for me, so I had to ask my father living in Delhi, to make a trip 8 hours away to the hospital where I was born in another city to arrange the modern birth certificate. Miraculously and painstakingly, he managed to get it. But the Germans gave us 13 more needed documents, and a date for identification at the town hall in roughly half a year.

So we decided to call a lawyer in India.

India: It seemed India was pretty straightforward to get married and get a certificate issued in any language as requested, but the catch was: we needed to stay in the country for at least 30 days as one partner must give a 30 day public notice at the marriage registrar office. Having taken a holiday earlier in the year, it was not feasible to visit India for a month again.

So we decided to try a completely new country, our friends had told us about.

Denmark: We were not ready for the promptness of the Danish bureaucracy. We learnt from our international friends that Copenhagen conducts marriages of all nationalities as long as you have an ID and a valid permit to get to Denmark. We were guided to an online portal for the marriage application, and little did we know, that we need to submit all the documents requested to us after a few responses immediately. I guess we were a bit slow to arrange them, which sadly put our application in a backlog of 7 months waiting!

I rekindled my friendship with a Danish colleague at CERN, who very kindly every month, helped me make a phone call in Danish to the marriage registry asking about the status of our application.. and a gentle reminder.

I guess all the waiting and perseverance was worth it, because when we finally got the date for the court marriage—it was a beautiful day of spring in May. The Americans would spell it as 5 15 25.

The wedding day was a beautiful day out in Copenhagen, a new city for both our families to visit, starting with a morning ceremony at the spectacularly grand Copenhagen City Hall. For me, besides the beauty of being able to write and say your own vows in a European wedding, it was that the day turned out to be sunny, and I could walk the city feeling pretty in an intricate, hand-embroidered chikankari sari. While going to the brunch place after the wedding, crossing through the streets of the city centre, the kids and people on the way started clapping. That's a reaction video we never filmed, but remains vividly in my memory.

While only a few dearest attended the wedding, it felt like the whole Copenhagen cheered us on for the special beginnings.

3. You are not alone, learn when to ask for help

The big challenge of going through a challenge sometimes can be that it can become isolating. If you talk too much about your trouble, you are boring others or wasting your energy. If you are internalising everything and figuring it out on your own, the process can become suffocating and exhausting. In this moment or several moments during the process, it is crucial to recognise when to ask for help and when to preserve your energy. Again there is no one-size fits all and that is best decided by gut feeling in the given situation.

I learned that help can also be asked in multiple ways. It is not always necessary for your helper to solve the problem, but rather give support in ways you are ready to receive it. A cup of tea prepared by your partner, a drink with a friend in your favourite local pub, going for an activity to take care of your body physically and mentally—are all valid ways to show support and get help. It can allow yourself space to distance yourself from the problem as every minute cannot be spent on it, and most times, not very productive.

Buddhism and Hinduism, philosophies I have grown up reading (and stories watching, as Indians love to make animated movies of the ancient epic tales), have often led to one core message: Happiness does not come from the outside. It comes from the inside.

Despite the external circumstances, a happy mind and a healthy body are key to one's state of mind. Taking care of yourself is the first step towards being able to take care of others. It takes courage to look within and do our own human revolution.

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Hope my stories leave you with something to reflect upon as well as with some practical values to navigate the new year. From my family to yours, happy 2026! Thank you for following my journey, reading my articles and being the kind person the world needs.

Love, respect and a hug,

Chetna Krishna Becker

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